What Science Says About Non-Monogamy



Have you ever blindly fell in love with anyone? Have you ever found someone to be extremely attractive and found yourself obsessed? This romantic obsession is identified by evolutionary psychologists as the love-is-blind bias. You become so obsessed in love of this person that you become “blind” to their flaws. This can happen many times; even I can attest to that. How does this relate to non-monogamy and science? One can say that scientifically, we will be overwhelmed by this obsessive love towards many people. This can result in having many sexual and social partners, or becoming non-monogamous as it would allow for multiple partners. This positive illusion of love is an evolutionary adaptation to reproduce for survival.

Now comes the arguments of nature vs. nurture. Are humans nurtured into monogamy? Or is it in their nature? Some believe that it is human nature to mate with multiple partners who has desirable features, and expand the gene pool. Also, bonobos are animals who have sex all the time with multiple partners. If this is viewed in nature, it should be viewed as natural for humans as well. Others say it is in our nature to be monogamous for child rearing. It is viewed as one’s responsibility to take care of their own biological offspring. Others involved in the relationship who are not the biological parents of a child, have a lower chance of caring for the child. This could result in children being worse off in polyamorous relationships and argues strongly for monogamy, in terms of being natural. Ultimately, many supporting non-monogamy refer back to the point of animals in nature to justify monogamy as unnatural in this debate.

Science says many things, but what does it allow for? Science allows for more sex, without the fear of becoming pregnant. Science has developed many forms of birth control to allow for more sexual freedom. This addresses the rights to reproduce and the right to not reproduce through sex. Birth control can also aid in the happiness of people in relationships. This time, science says screw the rules! People can indulge in their various relationships, and prevent unplanned pregnancies. Unplanned pregnancies can become devastating for both partners in a relationship. Whether non-monogamy is supported by science or is socially constructed should not matter in people’s choices. What science says, and what science allows are two different things. I think people can choose whichever side they want, and not be socially shunned. People should take the benefits of science, and use them to benefit their personal curiosities in relationships.

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